What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 27.06.2025 04:12
My life is so biszare .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
So whats the point in blame.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
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At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
So, i spoilt her more .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
How can I decorate my house creatively?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
This is soul school!.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Resilience may protect against psychopathic traits in people with childhood trauma - PsyPost
We all went to grammer schools
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
What is one small habit that has transformed your life in unexpected ways?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
How can one learn to talk frankly?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
If a narcissist can't feel remorse, can they ever feel regret for an evil act after going to rehab?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Do Americans realize how much goodwill and credibility they've lost in the past two weeks?
Would this be the day?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Why did we evolve to have so many nerve endings in our anuses?
I couldn’t, believe it.
He knew the spot.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
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Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I don,t even have a pension.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
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It was going to be , some day.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was seconnd youngest,
How do flat Earthers explain the existence of other spherical planets?
Was to survive, this bastard.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I think the readers, may guess!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I was scared of men, in general
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
What did i know ?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She married twice! .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My family never makes their pension either.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She was in good health!
But ive been too sick for many years..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Comes on , in middle age.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I said to her
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
We were not on the streets..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He resisted the act ,that day.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I never cut or harmed myself..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I write beautiful poetry .
Im still living with it.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
(And it was in our own minds.)
She loved him until the end.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She found it foreign!.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But it wasn’t much.
Put me off passion for life!!
When she asked me how she looked .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was 9 years of age.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Who then, do I blame.?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But, we were locked up after school.
I was very sick at this time too.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I will be 64.
One cannot live in the past .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Ive learnt so much.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Especially a lifetime of it.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And i lived it daily.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I have no regrets .
All the time i was locked up.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Why did i forgive my father ?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As i do to all so called friends.?
She wouldn,t have been !
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I waited trembling.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I had hoped to write a book about this .